Wednesday 28 February 2018 by Dan Sweryt

UK ‘severely ill-prepared’ after test run of Nuclear Winter


nuclear winter

The United Kingdom has been found to be ‘severely lacking’ in preparation for the upcoming Nuclear Winter after the government secretly ran a week-long test run of some snow.

Odds on a nuclear winter event occurring were dramatically slashed on 20th January 2017 and all bookies are no longer taking bets on the ‘100% certain’ outcome, even though they wouldn’t have to pay out because of it being the end of all humanity.

Civil servant Simon Williams said, “After Mr Trump became Supreme Leader, we at the Department for Radioactivity were immediately instructed to create a real-world test plan that could be invoked at a moment’s notice to see how prepared the country would be for a Nuclear Winter.

“Last week, the endless, unnecessary paperwork was completed for us to run the test, and we immediately started throwing snow willy-nilly all over the country.

“The result has been absolute pandemonium, completely against what we expected to happen.

“The government plans were that people would be fighting for survival, like on The Walking Dead, climbing over each other to stockpile bottled water and beating each other to death over a can of soup, exponentially reducing state costs in one fell swoop.

“But no, everyone is laughing about it and getting on better than they normally would. They are pretty chilled. And actually chilled, obviously.

“This test has been a complete and utter failure as far as the government is concerned.

“Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have to get back to building my snowman.”

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