Tuesday 27 February 2018 by Neil Tollfree

I’m Batman, confirms Trump


Donald Trump is Batman

US President Donald Trump has sensationally confirmed that he is, in fact, Batman.

Mr Trump made the admission after stating at a press conference that he would have run into a school shooting and heroically stopped the shooter and saved everyone.

“I would have run into that school,” he said, convincingly.

“I would have run into that school even without a gun and saved everyone.”

He then took a deep breath, surveyed the room, and made his stunning admission.

“Because I am Batman and, as Batman, I have a code that states I will not use firearms whenever I fight crime.

“But I am a superhero folks. I’m really the best superhero. Batman is the best superhero, and I am Batman.”

A moment of silence fell across the press conference until one journalist said that she thought that Bruce Wayne was Batman.

“Fake news,” yelled Trump.

“Crooked Bruce Wayne is a liar and is not Batman, and you know what folks? He doesn’t even exist. He’s not real. So how can he be Batman?

“I’m Batman.”

The White House has since clarified that the official form of address will remain President Trump and not President Batman.

It is expected that following the dramatic revelation, the President will seek a generous Government subsidy for maintenance of his Batmobile, Batcave, and BatGolfClub at Palm Beach.

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