Monday 19 February 2018 by Arabin Patson

Labour leadership takes to the woods after inquiry about breakfast misheard as ‘Brexit’

Labour hiding in the woods after mishearing question about Brexit

The Labour leadership has taken to the woods after mishearing a hotel staff member ask about their preferred option for breakfast.

Search parties are being organized and police have set up roadblocks along the New Forest after Jeremy Corbyn, Emily Thornberry and John McDonnell fled screaming into the trees because a receptionist with a speech impediment said something that sounded a bit like ‘Brexit’.

Simon Williams, the manager of the hotel, defended his employee.

He told reporters, “It’s not Andy’s fault. We reckon they misheard him and thought he was asking them about the B-word.

“You know, that thing with Europe that they think will go away if they never talk about it. Andy doesn’t follow politics and didn’t know they are terrified of being asked what their views about the Event That Cannot Be Named.”

Police have called in specialists from Whipsnade Safari park to help them lure the senior party members out of hiding.

Fake demonstrations against the poll tax have been set up as well as workshops on Marxism in a digital world.

If those fail, then Andrew Marr will be asked to sit under an elm with some food and a promise of a nice interview that doesn’t mention anything that rhymes with exit.

DCI Amanda Tinnock, in charge of the operation, said it was important to catch them soon.

She explained, “McDonnell will be fine. He’s got what it takes to kill, skin and eat a badger. But the two others are fucked.

“Frankly, if they’re not out by Sunday they will either starve or be forced to acknowledge the existence of the biggest political question in a generation. Flip a coin if you care.”

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