Wednesday 14 February 2018 by Lucas Wilde

Boris: “Roses are Red, Violets are Blue, I’m diplomatic, so fuck the EU”


Boris Johnson EU message on valentine's day

Boris Johnson is being Boris Johnson again.

Closing a Valentine’s Day speech designed to allay fears about Brexit, the Foreign Secretary opted to recite “a little ditty I wrote for our friends in Brussels.”

“It was going so well,” sighed Boris’ handler, Simon Williams.

“He was saying some good things about Brexit being a beacon of hope rather than a pile of shit – an assessment which is questionable but at least sounds nice.

“Then he took the napkin out of his pocket. It’s never good when he does that. He writes all of his ‘brilliant’ ideas down on napkins and then we get a week’s worth of lousy PR.

“He’s essentially been telling the EU to go and fuck themselves figuratively for the last year, which has been tricky enough, but doing it literally is quite something.

“It’s almost like he answers to a Prime Minister that has about as much sway over him as his wedding vows.”

Boris Johnson said “RUFF-RAH! jolly good fun, I thought.

“These Eurocrats need to learn to take a joke – or a shower, in the case of the French. Haw haw.”

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