Tuesday 13 February 2018 by Gary Stanton

World braces itself for Peter Rabbit and the Dry-Roasted Peanuts

Peter Rabbit nut allergy

A sequel to a film in which Peter Rabbit exploits food allergies for personal gain is likely to cause a further worldwide uproar among twats.

The oversized bunny’s latest film was panned by critics after a character with a rare blackberry intolerance was pelted with said fruit by a gang of rabbits, in a shuddering depiction of the kind of fruit-based bullying that happens regularly in real life.

Since its initial screening, there has been a spate of copycat incidents in which rabbits have turned on human beings whom they suspect are vulnerable to blueberries or gluten or some shit.

Film critic, Simon Williams, said, “In the Tale of the Dry-Roasted Peanuts, the furry scoundrel adds insult to injury by failing to take note of human character Tom McGregor’s nut allergy despite it being mentioned on several occasions.

“The worst-offending scene is one in which the characters Flopsy, Mops and Cotton-tail are sat in a bar with Peter and Tom, who then decides he is a bit peckish.

“Tom asks Peter to hop to the bar and order him a pint with a whisky chaser and a packet of pork scratchings. However, all they have left is Dry Roasted Peanuts.

“Despite the barman raising concerns over Tom’s well-publicised allergy, Peter is heard to reply ‘ah fuck him – he’ll be alright’.

“The ensuing scenes of mild peril coupled with expletives have ensured the film was awarded a 15 rating, meaning no kids will see it.”

Williams added, “The problem stems from Peter’s humble origins in the books of Beatrix Potter which were written in a time before nut allergies were invented.

“Potter should have sensed the changing public mood with respect to food allergies and taken more trouble to represent these issues, the callous, shellfish-eating bitch.”

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