Tuesday 13 February 2018 by Neil Tollfree

Commonwealth in secret plan to have Girls Aloud succeed Queen as its head


commonwealth to he led by Girls Aloud

The Commonwealth has secretly begun considering whether or not it is feasible to have noughties pop sensations Girls Aloud succeed the Queen as its head.

The issue is seen as hugely sensitive as the role is not hereditary and will not automatically fall to Prince Charles on the Queen’s death.

“Whilst, in the past, there has been a broad acceptance that Prince Charles would make a fine Commonwealth leader, he does have quite big ears,” said an insider.

“So we, as an organisation, are considering some other options. I, like many of my colleagues, think that Girls Aloud could prove ideal candidates with their sexy yet positive attitude and catchy pop-hooks.”

However, it seems that there are other factions within the Commonwealth who vehemently disagree with the plans.

Girls Aloud are entirely unsuitable for such a role,” said a one such dissenter

“In my mind, the only suitable candidate is Wayne Rooney. He has captained both England and Manchester United and has an enviable record of goal-scoring. Girls Aloud have literally no experience of playing at the top-level.”

With Ace Ventura star Jim Carrey, second best living Pope – Benedict – and Paul the Octopus also said to be in contention for the job, it looks like the situation is far from resolved.

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