Saturday 3 February 2018

Dickheads somehow manage to make Jacob Rees-Mogg a sympathy figure


Rees-Mogg scuffle at event

The world of spectacular backfires has a new standard bearer after a group of left-wing thugs started a scuffle with Victorian-era caricature, Jacob Rees-Mogg.

Rees-Mogg was addressing a group of students at the University of West of England to extol the virtues of child chimney sweeps, when the meeting was gatecrashed by a group of extremely vocal balaclava-wearing critics of the MP.

After Rees-Mogg himself tried to peacefully talk to them, a scuffle broke out leaving the staunchly-conservative MP looking very much like an innocent victim of thugs keen to stifle free-speech.

“Yeah, that’s not really what we wanted,” explained thug, Simon Williams.

“We don’t like what he stands for, so we thought turning up to shout at everyone while covering our faces was the way to go about changing hearts and minds.

“That wasn’t working so we decided to throw a few punches as well, we’re as surprised as anyone that this also failed.”

Non-moron and event attendee David Matthews told us that ‘these twats’ have almost certainly guaranteed Rees-Mogg a run at the Tory party leadership at some point in the near future.

He explained, “This is a man who thinks of pregnancy through rape as a ‘gift from God’ – and here I am reading the news this morning having some sympathy with him.

“I dislike literally everything he stands for, and yet here I am feeling sorry for him. Just imagine what you’re feeling this morning if you actually agree with some of the things he says.

“You utter, utter bellends.”

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