Friday 2 February 2018 Dominic Brancaleone

Man questions the meaning of life after spending six weeks researching vacuums


Man tired of researching vacuums online

A man in his forties has questioned the significance of life and his own existence after it took him a full six weeks to buy a new vacuum cleaner.

David Symonds from Surrey first attempted to make the purchase when his wife complained about the loss of suction on their current vacuum.

Assuming that finding a replacement would be a simple and straightforward task, he embarked on an epic journey of discovery that would land him teetering on the edge of insanity.

David described the moment he knew he’d bitten off more than he could chew.  He told us, “The first error I made was to do a Google search for ‘the best hoover’. This led me to learn that Hoover is a brand name, and not the name of the device.

“So, then I searched for ‘the best vacuum cleaner’, and I was overwhelmed by a mass of convoluted results that went on for literally hundreds of pages of search results.

“All I wanted was to find the most affordable vacuum cleaner with the best suction, but apparently that’s nigh on impossible.

“I searched, read and compared for weeks – some nights I’d stay awake until 3am, comparing reviews and watching videos on YouTube.

“After six weeks, I finally settled on what I thought was the best vacuum – I did a price comparison and found it was over £500. That was my lowest point. I mean, what has the world come to when you have to spend over £500 for a decent vacuum?

“For the sake of my own sanity, I gave up and bought a Henry. But every time I look at that condescending smile, it reminds me of how bleak my life has become.”

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