Wednesday 31 January 2018 by Tommy Wilder

Britain First supporter taught to mimic human speech


Britain First rudimentary speech

Scientists have hailed a breakthrough after a Britain First supporter was taught to mimic human speech.

Simon Williams, a Britain First supporter from Kent, is now able to say ‘White,’ ‘Muslim,’ and ‘take our country back’.

“It’s absolutely fascinating,” said Eleanor Gay, an anthropologist who had been working with the Britain First supporter to try and establish some form of basic communication.

“The subject is clearly able to formulate a limited vocabulary, but what we don’t know is whether he actually understands the words he is saying, or if he is merely parroting sounds that he hears regularly.”

Currently, Britain First supporters communicate with each other using a primitive form of grunting language known as ‘gutteral bollocks’.

If they can be taught to use human speech then the implications could prove seismic.

Gay went on, “Well, yes. If Britain First supporters can stop talking ‘bollocks’ to each other and learn to use a human language to communicate with others, then there is a chance that one day they could become useful members of society instead of remaining nothing more than hate-fuelled sub-humans.”

There are hopes now that, with the development of a whale in France being taught to count to three, a similar advance might be made with Britain First supporters.

However, Professor Gay urges caution, telling us, “Yes, it’s good to have an ambition, but that may be a little optimistic.

“Roughly speaking, comparing a talking killer whale to a Britain First supporter is akin to comparing Professor Stephen Hawking to a potted plant.”

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