Wednesday 31 January 2018 by Gary Stanton

Airline that allowed five terrorists to board a plane turns away emotional support peacock


United airline peacock

United Airlines have refused boarding to an ‘emotional support peacock’, whatever the f*ck one of those is.

The US airline famous for its stringent security checks on the 11th of September 2001, claimed the bird “Dexter” did not meet its guidelines for a number of reasons such as weight, plumage and religious orientation.

New York performance artist Ventiko took her pet to check in at New Jersey’s Liberty International airport, but was told the peacock represented more of a health and safety risk than five knife-wielding jihadists on a mission to destroy America.

Peacocks are brightly coloured birds from Southeast Asia and generally represent a low risk of attending a flight school with a view to hijacking a jumbo jet and causing mass murder.

United Airlines spokesman, Chuck Wiliams, said, “Many customers request an emotional support animal as a means to comfort them in case they find themselves hurtling towards the ground at terrifying speed, which sometimes happens under circumstances that are definitely beyond our control.

“However, we had difficulty finding an oxygen mask that would fit Dexter in the event of a sudden loss of cabin pressure, caused perhaps by an unscheduled collision with a tall building.

“In addition, Dexter’s elaborate tail feathers could prove a problem for the full body scanners, especially if set to the fan position.”

The airline has meanwhile confirmed the new security doors, which prevent passengers entering the cockpit, are built to withstand a sustained pecking.

Dexter’s owner Ventiko said, “Dexter has such a sweet nature – he disarms anyone he meets.

“Which is especially handy if you happen to be flying with United Airlines.”

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