Monday 29 January 2018 by Neil Tollfree

I would have beaten Roger Federer, claims Donald Trump


Donald Trump would have beaten Roger Federer

Donald Trump, US President and Sex Pest Monthly’s Man of the Year 2014, 2015, and 2017, has revealed that he would definitely have beaten Roger Federer in the Australian Open final.

Mr Trump made the claim during a wide-ranging interview with total shit Piers Morgan.

“What the fake news media doesn’t tell people,” said Mr Trump, “Is that I am a tremendous tennis player, one of the best. One of the very best. But you never hear them saying that. They never say it.

“In fact, in the year prior to becoming President, I was number one in the world rankings and had won Wimbledon three times and the US Open twice.”

Mr Morgan nodded enthusiastically whilst keeping his tongue firmly in place down the back of the President’s trousers.

“So, I would have approached the Australian final differently. I would have won, because I’m a winner who keeps on winning. I always win,” he added.

Mr Morgan asked how the President would have beaten the 19-times Grand Slam winner who many consider the finest tennis player of all time.

“Well, I would have played tennis better than him,” he confirmed.

“I would have come out strong, playing better tennis than Roger, then during the mid-game, I’d have played better tennis than him, and then I’d have finished him off by playing much better tennis.

“I guess it’s easier for me because I’m a tremendous, tremendous tennis player.”

Mr Trump also used the interview to claim that he would have negotiated Brexit better.

But then, who wouldn’t have?

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