Monday 29 January 2018 by Gary Stanton

EU sun loungers only available to tourists inside the single market, Brexiters warned


sun lounger

The right to sunbathe in a prime spot next to a dirty foreigner will hinge upon Britain’s continued membership of the single market, Thomas Cook has warned.

Thomas Cook’s trial scheme will allow customers to pay a small fee to book a specific lounger in advance of their holiday,
thereby maximising their skin cancer options.

But the company warned that holidaying Brits will lose their lounger privileges when Britain crashes out of the single market and its ransacked economy lies bleeding in the gutter.

Brexiters, meanwhile, have reacted angrily to the news, insisting right wing twats abroad should be given choice between a hard sun lounger and a soft sun lounger if that’s what they decide they would like.

Vote Leave prick, Simon Williams, said, “This smacks of an EU plot to deny the British people their God-given right to get up far too late and begin a protracted argument with a polite family from Saxony-Anhalt in perfect English.”

Soon-to-be-fired, British Chancellor, Philip Hammond, said the case merely outlines the importance of retaining membership of the single market.

“Outside the EU, British holidaymakers would lose their influence around the swimming pool and be relegated to
a series of distant towels on a condom-strewn, shingle beach,” he told us.

“The walk from bar to the bathing location would become increasingly fraught, especially if one is carrying three pint glasses.”

This morning Thomas Cook spokesman, John Goodier, added, “Sadly, this year’s sun lounger allocation has already been snapped up by some well-organised, continental stereotypes.”

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