Saturday 27 January 2018 by Davywavy

French finally find something they’re willing to put up a fight over


France fight over nutella

After a thousand years of looking, the French have found they’ll make a meaningful fight for a cheap jar of Nutella.

Observers were shocked overnight when french supermarkets descended into violence and riots as the price of Nutella was cut 70%, as they didn’t think anything was capable of getting that sort of reaction of the resolutely conflict-avoiding nation.

“It’s like World War Z with hazelnut spread out there,” we were told by UN observers from behind a hastily constructed barricade.

“If we’d known this was the reaction we’d’ve said there was a sale on in Berlin in 1916 and the First World War would have been over in a week.

“We should be glad that Napoleon didn’t think to tell the Greys that the Duke of Wellington had half a jar in his bag at Waterloo or world history would undoubtedly be completely different.”

Waving the Tricolor in one hand and a spoon of discount spread in the other, Frenchman Simon Guilliams told us that we would “Take my discount Nutella from my cold dead fingers”.

“Once more unto the breach, Mes Amis! Advance!” he added.

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