Thursday 25 January 2018 by Charles Oliver

Mark E Smith may be dead but it’s hard to tell


Mark E Smith

Mark E Smith hasn’t moved since yesterday, but that really doesn’t mean anything.

Sources close to the singer have been trying to get him to say something for almost 24 hours, but he may well just be throwing a massive sulk because someone was rude about his tank top.

Smith, who founded The Fall on his own and anyone who says there were any other members is a liar, has allegedly died at the age of 60 – or 340 in Special Brew years.

Sources close to the singer said he died doing what he loved – ignoring his fans whilst drinking heavily.

“The Fall were a great, tight live band right up until the drunk man came on and started shouting,” said superfan Tim Williams, who owns every single one of their 11,170 nigh-identical albums.

“Their gigs would usually go downhill after that, although sometimes the drunk man didn’t come on at all but just shouted from offstage. Those were the best ones.”

Fags will be held at half-mast in off-licences across the country as a mark of respect for the contribution he made.

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