Wednesday 24 January 2018 by Neil Tollfree

Boris appears with no pants on and farts national anthem in new attempt to get sacked


Boris No trousers

Foreign Secretary Boris Johnson gave a press conference earlier without trousers and pants and proceeded to fart the national anthem.

Then, staring directly into a camera, he said, “for f**k’s sake Theresa, just sack me.”

The stunt is the latest in a series of attempts to get sacked that include randomly demanding money for the NHS, laying out an alternative vision for Brexit, and just being a massive bellend all of the time.

It is thought that once sacked, Mr Johnson will move to the backbenches, attempt to consolidate support and launch a leadership bid.

“It was pretty grim,” said Simon Williams, a journalist who witnessed the events as they unfolded.

“I mean, Boris Johnson with no pants on? It’s one of the worse things I’ve ever endured, and I spent a year reporting from Syria.”

Mr Williams went on to describe what happened.

“Well, Boris had called a press conference so I thought he was planning on insulting a small African country or giving some sort of impenetrable classical allusion about something or other.

“You know, standard.

“But then there was the sound of retching and vomiting as Boris walked in.

“In itself, not unusual. But when he bent over, it became apparent he was naked from the waist down. He then farted the national anthem.

“To be honest, it was reasonably impressive. I mean, they say everyone’s got at least one talent and I guess that Boris’s is musical flatulence.”

It seems, however, that Boris’s latest stunt still won’t be enough to get him sacked.

Asked if she would now finally fire her increasingly ridiculous Foreign Secretary for appearing without pants on and farting the national anthem, Prime Minister Theresa May responded, “No, that’s just Boris being Boris.”

There are currently witterings below - why not add your own?

Previous post:

Next post: