Monday 22 January 2018 by Davywavy

UKIP to elect this week’s leader


UKIP leadership election

Every remaining member of UKIP will have been party leader by the end of July, according to current estimates.

The UK Independence Party hopes to have a new leader in place in plenty of time for them to resign next Monday, they have confirmed.

The UKIP leadership campaign is set to become a weekly event in order to give all their remaining party members a platform to talk about whatever bee they have in their bonnet, be it nig-nogs from bongo-bongo-land, Islams, vaccines, flying saucers or the earth being flat, before being unceremoniously fired and a new swivel-eyed whackjob taking the role for the following week

“As I’m sure you’ll all be well aware, UKIP is a broad church with room for a plurality of positions,” said party spokesman Simon Williams shortly before he resigned to spend more time with his theories about contrails.

“As such, we welcome a high turnover in leaders, as it allows members to pick an issue that’s close to their heart and bring to the forefront of the nation’s consciousness – for a week or so.

“Also, by having a new leader every week, at the very least, we ensure we stay in the news because there’s always a new deranged opinion being put forward.

“That’s the mistake Labour have made – they put a jam-obsessed paint-drinker in charge a couple of years ago and he was all over the news for months before everyone got bored of the novelty and forgot who the heck he was.

“Well, we’ll do that every week. We can’t lose!”

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