Monday 22 January 2018 by Gary Stanton

Princess what’s-her-face to marry some-bloke-or-other


Who cares royal wedding

A lesser known member of the Royal family is to marry some bloke apparently, according to reports.

The lady, who is called Eugenie and emerged from the uterus of a woman known as Sarah Ferguson some twenty seven years ago, is to marry her long-term sweetheart Jack something or other.

Royal watchers are said to be delighted at the news that a man will marry the three hundred and forty-seventh in line to the throne and that life will be OK for them from now on.

The happy couple are said to have met while doing useful public work like gliding down a ski slope at the Swiss resort of Verbier, not that anyone’s jealous you understand.

However, the choice of wedding date has left many people vexed due to a clash with a prestigious Northampton darts tournament to be held on the same day in September.

This morning fans took to social media to agree that the groom, a Mr Brooksbank, sounds like one of those confident “rugger” types you didn’t like at school.

Local man Simon Williams, who has a lot to deal with at the moment, said, “Naturally, I wish them all the best. It’s such a wonderful thing when two young people fall in love and marry at the taxpayers’ expense.

“I can’t wait to see the dress.

“Who is she again?”

Williams’ pal and fellow disinterested onlooker, John Goodier, was less enthralled.

“I couldn’t give less of a fuck,” he told us.

He added, “Am I paying for it?

“Thought so.”

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