Monday 22 January 2018 by Neil Tollfree

Islamic State claims responsibility for brown bananas


Islamic state claim responsibility for brown bananas

The so-called Islamic State has claimed responsibility for your bananas that have over-ripened in the fruit bowl and gone a bit brown.

The terror-group, thought to be in decline in recent times, made the statement in a widely shared video on their official YouTube channel.

The video shows a masked man holding an overripe banana and explaining that IS will punish the godless infidels by making all bananas in the West overripe and brown.

Experts are concerned at the latest escalation, as it represents a new move into disruption of the food chain.

“This is a terrifying new development,” said Simon Williams, fruit expert.

“We simply had no idea that this group, this so-called Islamic State, were capable of spoiling bananas like this and making them slightly unpalatable.”

Mr Williams went on to explain what ISIS hope to achieve.

“Uncertainty,” he said, confidently.

“They want ordinary people to come downstairs in the morning, uncertain of whether the bananas in their bowl will be firm and yellow or brown and mushy with all black bits inside that make your kitchen smell funny.

“It could cripple a country in a week, maybe even less. I mean, you don’t know if you’re going to be able to have sliced up bananas on your bran flakes, and then you’re left with the prospect of just plain bran flakes.

“It’s too much for most people in the West to cope with.”

People are advised to remain vigilant and to reduce the threat by possibly consider buying apples or even some peaches.

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