Friday 19 January 2018 by Arabin Patson

Wile E. Coyote proposes giant catapult across the Channel


Wile E Coyote

At the Franco-British summit, the minister and wild canid made headlines for proposing a radical new method to link the two countries by flinging goods and people from enormous slingshots on both sides of the English channel.

Mr Coyote, the gaffe-prone Tory with a fondness for esoteric language, explained that Brexit could be an opportunity to further develop bilateral relationships outside of an EU framework.

Projects such as the huge ACME throwers could stimulate trade and bring the two peoples closer together.

However, the proposal to hurl passengers and crates 22 miles into large nets was met with some resistance from prominent Brexiters.

Nigel Farage attacked the plan as being yet another way for Islamist immigrants to enter the country. In today’s Sun newspaper, Richard Littlejohn called the idea a ‘Catapult Capitulation.’

In addition, many pundits reminded the public of Mr Coyote’s fondness for extravagant projects that fail to come to fruition.

These have included rocket assisted roller-skates, using black paint to create tunnels, issuing giant wooden mallets as weapons and building an airport on reclaimed land in the Thames estuary.

President Macron is said to have nodded enthusiastically at the idea although some French sources claimed that he could have believed the proposal to be a surreal joke of the type made famous by Monty Python.

Body language specialists were divided as to whether Mr Macron was being mildly bemused or just nodding and placating Wile E. Coyote while discreetly pressing his panic button.

A similar plan had been proposed under Margaret Thatcher but, according to Hansard records, had ultimately been abandoned for being “pointless, prohibitively expensive and really fucking stupid.”

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