Friday 19 January 2018 by HappyToast

Boris Johnson suggests conveyor belt and zip line between UK and France


Channel Bridge Boris Johnson

Foreign Secretary Boris Johnson has suggested building a new transport link between the UK and France that could include a conveyor belt, zip line, water slide and “perhaps some kind of jetpack that the great British boffins could come up with”.

In a speech that definitely wasn’t just a distraction piece to stop people talking about the disaster of Brexit, Johnson boasted that the new Channel Bridge, or “Chidge” as he christened it, will be a “masterclass of British engineering and investment”.

Johnson also responded to claims that the Chidge sounded scarily similar to the disaster of the much smaller and easier to construct Thames garden bridge that he was also heavily involved in.

He told reporters, “No, no, this is nothing like that at all. That was over £40m wasted on something that didn’t even lay a single brick – whereas this scheme doesn’t use bricks. It couldn’t be more different.”

Johnson, who has significant previous experience with zip lines, said that the transport system would be the fastest and most exciting way to cross the channel, and definitely wouldn’t leave people stuck in the air halfway in need of rescuing.

When pressed on why he was wanting to build a bridge to Europe while simultaneously leading a campaign to separate the UK further from the continent, the Foreign Secretary mumbled, quoted a verse from the rhyme of the ancient mariner, ruffled his hair and laughed at reporters.

According to a promotional bus parked outside the press event, the Chidge system is expected to cost about £350m a week to run.

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