Thursday 18 January 2018

Former Gladiator on the loose in Berkshire countryside


Wolf countryside

Former Gladiator Wolf has been spotted in the Berkshire countryside after his compound was damaged during stormy weather last night.

Members of the public have been warned to avoid the former television star, with some experts claiming he could be dangerous, particularly if spotted with what looks like a giant cotton bud.

However, Wolf expert Dr Scott McCall told us, “We don’t know how he got out, he might have gnawed through a lock, or a fence might have come down in the wind – but our safety advice is merely precautionary, you don’t need to worry.

“Wolf is in unfamiliar territory, and without the lights, cameras and a live audience we think he’ll probably just keep himself to himself.

“Yes, we are warning people to stay well clear of the Wolf should they actually see him, but we have it on good authority that his howl is definitely worse than his bite.

“In fact, we have gathered a lot of evidence via recorded footage of him being beaten by normal humans on many occasions.

“Having studied the footage, I would recommend those in charge of trying to capture him don’t try to drive him to the top of a large foam pyramid structure, or to chase him through trees where you hang from the branches – he’s been trained for that.”

Berkshire residents have admitted their excitement at the thought of Wolf appearing in their back gardens.

38-year-old Reading homeworker Simon Williams told us, “I know they say you shouldn’t go near him, but I think I’d be tempted to his autograph.

“That said, if any of them were going to appear at my door, I’d much prefer it was Jet.”

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