Monday 15 January 2018 by Gary Stanton

UK construction industry in crisis after government mistakenly bails out Marillion


Marillion bail-out

The UK Construction Industry is in terminal decline after the government incorrectly bailed out unfashionable, neo-progressive rock act Marillion.

Owing to a simple typo, money intended for the troubled construction giant Carillion, is now lining the pockets of the former chart stars, whose records generally make Then Jericho’s output seem like the eggs that were shat from a golden goose.

Meanwhile, current construction projects held by Carillion may never be completed due to former singer Fish’s considerable lack of building site experience.

However, the band’s loyal fanbase insist Fish’s recent kitchen extension, the result of a collaboration with current singer Steve Hogarth and the drummer, is the best thing they’ve done since “Kayleigh”.

Fish and co are now under pressure to meet Carillion’s existing commitments, including a state-of-the-art hospital in Liverpool, rather than banging on about some eighties’ bint who wears inappropriate footwear during a cold spell.

Carillion CEO, Simon Williams, said, “The UK requires a million new homes every single year, not some lank-haired fucker reminiscing about the cherry blossom in the market square.”

And Fish, himself, admitted that while he would probably spend the money on a new recording studio, the mistake had left the country’s construction fortunes in a perilous state.

“What happens to politically sensitive building projects like schools and jails?” he remarked. “What happens to loving on the floor in Belsize Park?”

He added, “To the people of Liverpool awaiting their shiny new hospital, I just wanna say I’m sorry.

“But I’m too scared to pick up the phone.”

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