Thursday 11 January 2018 by Arabin Patson

Brexiters demonstrate British might by sending Barnier a hamper with Buckfast, Wotsits and a copy of Razzle


Brexit hamper

Several pro-Leave politicians staged a media event where they gave Michel Barnier a hamper full of British goods so as to show the world that Britain can once again be a great and powerful trading nation.

The group hoped to reverse the dominance of the EU in Brexit talks after getting their chief negotiator to take a sip of Tizer eat a chocolate Freddo or have a quick wank over nude pictures of housewives in Scarborough.

Simon Williams, a UKIP MEP, defended the action against accusations that it made British people look like arrogant cretins whose sense of taste is so poor they think Marks and Spencer’s ready meals are the height of gastronomy.

He explained, “Mr Barnier needs to understand that we will do absolutely fine without the EU.

“Any attempt to punish the UK for Brexit could result in us blocking Europe’s supply of waxy orange cheese sold in square blocks or incredibly acidic wines that don’t age well.”

Early reports indicate the hamper caused more confusion than awe in European Officials as explained senior commissioner Helga Schaffen.

She told reporters, “I don’t get it. Is this some sort of death threat?

“Perhaps are they telling us that a people who eat this can withstand anything. Though I suppose it does help me understand the Brexit vote.

“I was wondering what could cause the citizens of a rich nation to be so consumed with hate they would gladly commit self-harm. Now it makes sense.

“And what is this marmite? Do you use it to treat wounds? Surely you can’t feed this to living creatures.”

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