Tuesday 9 January 2018 by Neil Tollfree

Reshuffle sees most diverse Government ever, including shits, pricks and total knobheads


UK cabinet reshuffle

Theresa May’s reshuffle has resulted in what experts are hailing as the ‘most diverse Government cabinet ever’ as it contains not only shits and pricks, but even total knobheads.

Although the reshuffle did prove problematic for the Prime Minister, she has succeeded in bringing in representation from almost the entire spectrum of bastardy.

“No longer will people be able to say that my government is made up solely of complete shits,” said Mrs May yesterday.

“Now we have pricks and fuckheads in there as well.”

She did reveal that there was some disappointment, however.

“I would have liked to have brought in an utter twat as well, but couldn’t quite manage it, however, my transport minister Chris Grayling assures me he is capable of being both a prick and a twat.

“I have complete confidence in his talents in both areas.”

Experts have long considered the diversity of bastards on display during the Thatcher years as untouchable, however, they have now conceded that Mrs May has come close to topping that.

“Oh, it’s the levels of fuckheadery on display that I think is most impressive,” said Simon Williams, an expert in both the Tory Party and gits.

“Frankly, after the disappointment of Tony Blair’s government, I thought the days of a really diverse, wide range of bastards in government were long gone.

“Not so, it seems.”

It is thought that Mrs May did even try to add a complete cunt to her cabinet, but Iain Duncan Smith was still quite happy to remain as a backbencher.

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