Tuesday 9 January 2018 by Lucas Wilde

‘Diverse’ cabinet also ‘reassuringly white’


Theresa May's diverse cabinet

Theresa May’s cabinet is diverse while also being whiter than the arse-end of the Dulux colour chart, it has been confirmed.

With the reshuffle more or less finished, the cabinet consists of reassuringly unexotic white people with good, sensible names such as “Johnson”, “Hunt” and “Lewis”.

“It’s a good-looking cabinet of diverse people who all look the same,” beamed Tory backbencher, Simon Williams.

“Seriously, open the curtains and most of them would burst into flames. It’s that white in there.

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“The only exception is Sajid Javid, but we have to have one of “that lot” in the team so that nobody thinks we’re racist, which we aren’t, obviously. I’m a huge fan of Goodness Gracious Me, for example.

“Anyway, he’s in charge of Housing and Communities, neither of which are concepts that are historically important to a Conservative government. So he’ll be nicely tucked away most of the time.

“Besides, there’s plenty of totty in this particular cabinet, so I don’t think the PC brigade have much to complain about – especially regarding Penny Mordaunt, who looks filthy.”

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