Monday 8 January 2018 by Lucas Wilde

Theresa May to move bastards about a bit


Theresa May cabinet reshuffle

The cabinet is getting reshuffled today, which will see some twats to moved to slightly bigger or smaller offices.

In a move described as “insignificant to anybody with absolutely anything else going on”, Theresa May will today undertake the kind of restructuring that would massively mess up any private company that tried to do the same thing.

“But in government, it’s more of a yearly dance because they know none of them is actually competent enough at their jobs for a reshuffle to make any difference whatsoever,” confirmed political correspondent, Simon Williams.

“The full-time staff at each government department know that, in all likelihood, they’re going to be staring at a similar greying white prick in an ill-fitting suit who will be doing exactly as he’s told by the party whip, just like the last one they all worked for.

“Yes, they might come in and talk about change, and improving everything, but ultimately they will end up doing exactly the same job as the previous incumbent.

“So the impact is minimal at best, and might even translate to simply altering the choice of hot beverage that the intern has to spit into of a morning.”

Parliamentary intern, Jay Cooper, said “Yep.

“We’ve had three incompetent pricks come through my department in the last few years and the only discernible difference between them was that two of them wore glasses and one didn’t.

“Actually I think one of them may have been a woman…I don’t know. I’m not paid enough to pay that sort of attention.”

There are currently witterings below - why not add your own?

Previous post:

Next post: