Thursday 4 January 2018 by Dave Doink

Toby Young hopes ‘cracking knockers’ will be on show at freshers’ week, say friends

Toby Young knockers in freshers' week

Toby Young is hoping cracking ‘knockers’ will be flaunted at universities during freshers’ week later this year, friends have revealed.

The right-wing writer – who thinks free speech basically gives him the right to tweet about other people’s breasts, before unashamedly deleting his comments when he somehow lands a government job – hopes to throw himself into his new role at the Office for Students by attending a seven-day piss up with teenagers this September.

“Toby really wants to get to the bottom of students’ needs, and if his tweets are anything to go by that will include encouraging first years to flaunt their knockers as a way to make new friends,” said pal Tarquin Sheffield-Hallam.

“After all, he did once say ‘women who display a lot of cleavage shouldn’t then complain when men notice them’.

“Knowing Toby as I do he will probably try to avoid those bars filled with ‘hardcore dykes’ and anyone as ‘queer as a coot’.”

While many outraged observers have slammed the decision to give Young this new role, he has found some support.

“Toby appears to have a tiny, vague understanding of the role and what will be asked of him, which I believe makes him overqualified,” said Jeremy Hunt.

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