Tuesday 2 January 2018 by Lucas Wilde

Bright-eyed, bushy-tailed, not-drunk Brits leap back into work


back to work

Britain’s populace is absolutely raring to go this morning.

After a solid ten days of eating, drinking and flat-out refusing to get dressed, the hard-working people of the United Kingdom were absolutely gnashing at the chance to return to their laugh-a-minute jobs as salespeople, factory workers and public transport operatives.

“Yayyyy” declared a typically enthusiastic Simon Williams, a warehouse operative from Stoke-On-Trent.

“I’ve had a really dull time over Christmas of not lifting boxes and being perpetually drunk.

“Thank God that’s over and I can finally get back to shifting fridges from about six in the morning until five in the afternoon for what feels like no money whatsoever.”

Office manager, Jay Cooper, said, “my job is obviously more difficult than Simon’s job because it pays more.

“Nonetheless, I too am delighted to be back in the company of people with whom I would never choose to associate outside of work.

“I guess Christmas with my girlfriend’s mother kind of kept me prepared for that anyway.”

A definitely-not-drunk shop assistant, Elizabeth King, said, “pish off.”

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