Monday 18 December 2017 by Mike Ryder

Simon Cowell to lead search for Britain’s next political scapegoats


Simon Cowell Britains next political scapegoat

Simon Cowell is preparing a new ITV show to find the UK’s next political scapegoats it has been announced.

With the Daily Mail clearly running out of ideas by turning on Tory MPs.

In a statement, an ITV spokesmen said, “This is something we’re really excited about. The public is starting to see through the crap about immigrants and remainers being to blame for the state of the country and so we’re going to use something similar to the Britain’s Got Talent or X Factor format to find someone else to be angry at.”

Contestants will be voted for in a weekly phone in, and there will be a variety of differently themed rounds in which the potential ability of the contestants to spend taxpayers money, perceived hatred of the Queen and cost to the NHS will all be tested. As well as more controversial rounds such as ‘How dark you look’ and ‘Do you sound polish?’

Unconfirmed reports suggest a panel containing well known bastards Katie Hopkins and Nigel Farage will feature.

The Conservative government are supporting the project, a statement from the Culture Media and Sport Department said.

“As loyal servants of Overlord May, we support anything which will distract the UK population from the fact that’s she’s making a total balls up of Brexit and is about as strong and stable as a Christmas jelly.

“And seeing as all the proletariat do is watch TV anyway this project has the potential for real success.”

Top prize for the winner is regular smear stories in the Mail, Sun and Telegraph and a home makeover from G4S.

The first episodes are expected to air in the spring.

There are currently witterings below - why not add your own?

Previous post:

Next post: