Friday 15 December 2017 by Lucas Wilde

Tedious, unfunny prick wearing tedious, unfunny Christmas jumper


Xmas jumper prick

A prick that you know is wearing an appropriately awful Christmas jumper.

Simon Williams, 31, a “proper legend” (his words) who “loves the banter” (his words) and is “an absolute embarrassment” (his mum’s words) wore a plain jumper with a slogan saying “I’ll come down your chimney”.

“Yeah, that seems about right,” sighed Simon’s work colleague, Jay Cooper.

“It’s an old, tedious gag suggesting that Simon will happily fill a woman’s orifice with semen.

“It’s not clear which orifice the jumper refers to, and that is about as enigmatic as Simon has ever been.

“It’s also a touch optimistic as Simon has repelled every woman in the office with his humour, which he describes as laddish but everyone else describes as straightforward misogyny.”

Simon said, “WHEYYYYYYY!”

“Fucking CHRISTMASSSS innit? All up for a laugh, I am. Obviously the jumper is all bants, but if Tina in accounts is up for it, who am I to say no?”

Tina in accounts said, “a few of us have hatched a plan to push him down some stairs.”

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