Thursday 14 December 2017 JS Harding

Yet another evil empire gets thwarted by plucky band of rebels


Theresa May death star

Evil empires throughout the galaxy are once again bemoaning plucky bands of opportunist rebels thwarting their nefarious scheming, after eleven rogue Tory MPs scuppered Theresa May’s Brexit plans by voting to guarantee Parliament a vote on the eventual deal agreed with Brussels.

While the embattled PM’s reaction to the unexpected outcome has appeared to be low key, she is believed to be privately seething at this latest blow to her integrity as the leader of the nation.

And a former staff member of one of the most genocidal regimes in fictional intergalactic history has told reporters “just how ruddy annoying these dishevelled bands of chancers” can be.

“Yup, they’re bastards for that kind of attention-seeking anarchy,” rued May sympathiser Brenda Whistler, drawing on her experience serving as PA to the Evil Emperor during his stint as CEO of the Galactic Empire.

“Just because Mr Emperor destroyed the odd planet here and there, while committing to utterly annihilate any resistance to his ruling of the galaxy, these oiks thought they had the right to scupper his terrible plotting.

“And now we see Theresa’s facing another bunch of blasted upstarts, who are clearly more interested in the glory of trying to do the ‘right thing’ as they see it, rather than just doing as they’ve been bloody well told.

“This might be a small victory for the rebels, but the war is far from over.

“If they think they’re going to end the Brexit saga by singing and dancing around Michael Gove’s burnt-out helmet in the woods, they’ve got another bloody think coming.”

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