Thursday 14 December 2017 by Lucas Wilde

Local Winter Wonderland attraction unsurprisingly a load of bollocks


Snowman crap winter wonderland

The Winter Wonderland that the kids insisted on going to has turned out to be shit. Again.

The local attraction, which was probably set up by a scam artist who got tired of sending phishing emails to pensioners, rocked up at a field near your house with a whopping four out of the seven pieces of paperwork required to do so.

Many of the early visitors to the attraction have left ‘mixed’ reviews after their experience on site.

Jack Williams, aged 10 was one of the first enjoy the ‘wonder’ of Christmas at his local wonderland, he told us, “Father Christmas threw up into my hat.

“His breath smelt funny, like how downstairs does after mummy and daddy have one of their grown-up parties.”

It wasn’t just the children left disappointed after their visit.

Jack’s mum said, “This is the worst family day out since that time we all visited Uncle Darren in prison.

“I’m not sure which was worse between the two wise men, the snowman puffing his way through twenty Marlborough Lights or the elves that got into a fist-fight in Santa’s grotto – although I have to admit that the elves fighting was, objectively speaking, incredibly entertaining.

“We paid £50 for a family ticket, just like we did last year when the thing got cancelled due to rain.

“I kind of wish that had happened again this year. £50 not to come here sounds like fantastic value for money.”

In response to the criticism, the Winter Wonderland Father Christmas, said, “Fuck off, you little shit.”

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