Thursday 14 December 2017 by Pete Redfern

Fish and chips refusing to be wrapped up in the Daily Mail from now on


fish and chips don't want to be in Daily Mail

A number of cod and several thousand potatoes across the land are today calling for fast food outlets to cease wrapping them up in old copies of the Daily Mail.

Following yet another dreadful front page in which the pathetic hate rag attempted to name, shame and direct hatred towards eleven MPs who dared to put their country before their party in a parliament vote yesterday, fish and chips have said that enough is enough.

Soon to be battered cod Simon told us, “It is true that to a certain extent, we shouldn’t care what happens to us after we’ve been caught, killed, fried and battered, but we do feel strongly that we should be treated with respect after our death.

“And this extends to what paper we are wrapped up in for the customer to take us home.

“It is only fair that if we are going to provide these people with a tasty meal, that our method of conveyance is in line with our wish to be treated with respect and, well, decency.”

Soon to be peeled potato Eleanor piped up, “The Daily Mail is happy to list MPs on their front page, yet when an MP was killed by a far-right extremist, they only mentioned it on page 30, a day later.

“There is clearly something wrong with them, and fish and chip outlets wrapping us up in such an awful tabloid could put people off eating altogether.

“So we’d have gone through all that chopping and peeling for nothing.”

Chip shop owner Christopher James defended his usage of the paper for this purpose saying, “I bought loads of them for bog-roll a while back, but it doesn’t flush very well.

“So when I’ve finished using this load to wrap food I won’t buy any more. I’ll move on to the Express. They’re not too controversial, are they?”

I think, therefore I am (not a Daily Mail reader)

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