Thursday 14 December 2017 by Lucas Wilde

Brexiters would riot if it wasn’t a bit nippy outside


Too cold for Brexiters to riot

There would be absolute anarchy this morning if it wasn’t jolly cold out there, promised Brexiters this morning.

Following an act of democracy which was apparently the wrong kind of democracy, MPs will now be given a chance to vote for or against the full Brexit deal when it comes before parliament in 2019.

“And I’m absolutely in the mood to take to the streets, shout and maybe hurl a bin through a Burger King,” confirmed Brexiter, Simon Williams.

“But it’s bloody cold, and there’s a chance of snow in the afternoon, so I’ll probably just stay indoors and furiously comment on satire stories that offend my views.

“That usually achieves about the same amount and I can do it while watching Emmerdale.

“Don’t look at me like that, it’s not as if any of you Remoaners would ever leave your ivory towers and march in the streets. Probably not got the energy anyway what with your bloody vegan diets.”

Simon then descended into an extended rant that made little sense and isn’t worth publishing, to be honest.

Sociologist, Dr Elizabeth King, said, “Yes it is a real job, thank you.

“Anyway… people don’t riot in winter, it just doesn’t happen. The only people capable of such activities when it’s this cold are Russians; who are numb to bad government at this point, or Eskimos; about whom I know literally nothing but as far as I’m aware they don’t have a history of kicking off anyway.”

Simon Williams added, “that’s another point. Rioting in winter is obviously for foreigners. I’m not joining in with that muck, thank you.”

I think, therefore I am (not a Brexit supporter) – get the t-shirt here!

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