Wednesday 13 December 2017 by Tracy Waters

Germany pulls all Christmas Markets from UK


German Christmas markets

As a show of power during the ongoing Brexit negotiations, Germany has pulled all the Christmas Markets from the UK with immediate effect.

In order to show UK prime minister Theresa May who is really in charge of Brexit negotiations, the UK will no longer be able to spend their evenings outside in the cold enjoying tasty continental lager, sweet mulled wine or gut-busting sausages at hugely inflated prices.

Some hard-line Brexiters welcomed the move and insisted that Britain does not need all that ‘unhealthy German stuff’ when you can get a good old-fashioned British Fosters and Curry at Weatherspoon’s Tandoori night, every Thursday, for just £6.99.

Brexiteer Simon Williams told us, “Every year I go to those German Christmas markets and enjoy all the drinks but I’m just left feeling a bit uncomfortable when the people working there speak flawless English in a European accent.

“The least they could do is limit their vocabulary so that the average Brexiter can understand them more easily.”

In response to the Germans’ move, the Brexit Secretary, David Davis, reassured local tat sellers who depend on the markets that he has a perfectly viable alternative plan.

He explained, that “a market just as good as the German one will definitely be in place by 2022” and went on to say that “15,000 tons of leftover Sausages and Sauerkraut will be dumped into the Channel to show the EU that Britain will not be bullied by EU bureaucrats”.

In response, Germany is transferring all their Christmas Markets to Australia for the remainder of the Festive period.

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