Wednesday 13 December 2017 by Lucas Wilde

Alabama tells Roy Moore “No means no” again


Roy Moore Alabama election

Roy Moore is ignoring Alabama’s pleas for him to leave them alone.

Despite having lost the state election, the alleged pervert is refusing to accept defeat until every single vote rolls in.

“We’re still hanging on that all-important, alleged-paedophile-sympathiser vote,” confirmed Moore’s spokesperson, Chuck Williams.

“Despite all of the evidence to the contrary, we still believe that we can win this thing, and that God is on our side. Because God is love, and Roy Moore loves everybody equally, with absolutely no leaning towards underage girls.

“Not sure why I said that last bit, that may have been counterproductive. Don’t print that.”

Alabama citizen, Jay Cooper, said, “I’d describe myself as a reasonable human being, which is why I didn’t vote for Roy Moore.

“Not JUST for the…well y’know… but also all of his awful views.”

Fellow citizen, Elizabeth King, said, “Everyone has now told Roy Moore to stop, but he’s determined to keep going, and I don’t think that even needs a punchline.”

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