Tuesday 12 December 2017

I KNEW it, says every man still alive


Man flu survivor

Man-flu is real, and we finally have the proof, claimed men everywhere this morning.

A Canadian study has revealed that men’s immune systems might be slightly weaker than those of women, leading them to suffer worse symptoms from and respiratory illnesses they contract.

“I fucking KNEW it,” said one man-flu sufferer this morning.

“You wait till she hears about this.  My genuine suffering is now certified by the whole of science!”

However, fellow survivor Simon Williams told us, “Hang on, you said man-flu was real, not that women are stronger than men,”

“What I want here is for my suffering to be legitimised, not another reason for women to call me weak.

A doctor who knows about these things outlined the theory as follows, “Basically testosterone operates as an immunosuppressant, whereas estrogen does the opposite. Which leads to the theory that the more manly a man is, the worse his man-flu will be.”

Williams went on, “I’m not surprised they’ve found oestrogen has this added benefit. Why would mother nature create a hormone that merely creates completely irrational borderline bi-polar individuals once a month?

“Of course it has a hidden health benefit, it had to.”

Upon hearing the news, Simon’s wife Sharon told us,”Oh great, so what you’re basically saying is that my husband rolling around on the floor claiming he’s dying is now just more evidence of him being a super-macho alpha male?

“Brilliant – there is no way in the world these findings will lead to more men complaining about their man-flu symptoms.”

“Man-Flu survivor”, get the t-shirt here!

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