Monday 11 December 2017 by Neil Tollfree

Theresa May still drunk


Theresa May still drunk

Some two days after successfully reaching an agreement with the EU, reports are emerging from Number 10 that Prime Minister Theresa May is still drunk.

It is understood that following the announcement of the deal in Brussels on Friday, the Prime Minister immediately flew back to Britain and got stuck into a case of prosecco.

“Without wishing to be indiscreet, the prosecco farts were brutal the next day,” said a Number 10 civil servant.

“So I was quite pleased that around lunchtime on Saturday she started on the gin instead.

“Saturday evening she was just smashed, she put on her Duran Duran LPs, and made everyone dance to Wild Boys.

“Around midnight she got quite belligerent and opened up a window so she could shout ‘up yours Delors’ into the night, then she got off with Michael Gove and opened a bottle of tequila.

“I tried to leave at that point, but she called me a ‘massive French bender.’ I’m from Hampshire, so she must have been pretty far gone at that point.”

It is understood that Mrs May continued drinking all weekend, pausing only on Sunday evening to order in a massive kebab and watch the I’m a Celebrity final.

Whilst Number 10 had managed to keep a lid on Theresa May’s heroic bout of binge drinking, rumours surfaced that she was still drunk as it was announced that Mrs May intended to give a statement to MPs claiming there was ‘a new sense of optimism’ about the talks.

You’d have to be spectacularly battered to claim that.

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