Monday 11 December 2017

Back of Christmas tree looks like shit


back of Christmas tree

The back of your Christmas tree looks like complete garbage, according to sources today.

A leaked report indicates that you have chosen to ignore the side of the tree that is wedged into the corner of the room, choosing only to dangle shiny trinkets in those areas you feel will secure you the most praise.

“This is just typical of the way Christmas trees are treated in today’s low-attention society, you people have no depth at all,” explained a spokesperson for Christmas trees everywhere.

“Sure, we understand the front of the tree gets the glory, it’s always the side on which people lavish their praise – but did you really have to ignore the back so completely? It doesn’t have a single bauble. Not one.

“You’ve even pulled the lights tighter at the back to give you more dangle room at the front – are you trying to garrot the bloody thing?”

Christmas tree owner Simon Williams said he didn’t see the point in decorating the back of his tree.

He told us, “Look; no-one’s going to see it, so what’s the point of wasting decorations on it?”

“Oh, so a tree can’t feel nice at Christmas, is that what you’re saying,” replied our tree spokesperson.

“It would be a shame if someone were to pay you a visit in the middle of the night and rotate it 180 degrees.”

However, William’s cat told us such drastic measures were unwarranted, explaining, “Oh he’ll see the back of it alright – when he’s picking the thing up off the floor later on tonight.”

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