Saturday 9 December 2017 by Pete Redfern

Boris Johnson promising to be on best behaviour during visit to ‘flying-carpet land’


Boris Johnson

Foreign secretary Boris Johnson has promised to be sensitive as he visits Iran for crucial talks.

The bloated bumblegit arrived in Iran yesterday to discuss a number of topics, including the possible release of Nazanin Zaghari-Ratcliffe, who faces a longer prison sentence thanks to Boris Johnson’s idiotic mouth.

The Foreign Secretary will call for the release of the 37-year-old mother-of-one on humanitarian grounds, amid fears that he will just turn the whole situation into even more of an almighty cock-up.

Seeking to reassure his critics, Boris told reporters, “Well, here I am in the land of bad breath and flying carpets. I mean, Persia. That is to say, Iran. Golly, it is hard to keep up, what?

“Anyway, I’ll be meeting with the Iranian equivalent of a prime minister, if such a person exists, and I’m sure we’ll clear up this little business of Nazanin in no time at all, and she’ll be on the next flight home.”

Beaming proudly he added, “All I have to do is remember to say she is a spy.

“What’s that? Oh yes – oops. She’s NOT a spy. That’s the one.

“My word, it is a good job one can’t get fired from Theresa May’s cabinet for incompetence, isn’t it?”

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