Wednesday 6 December 2017 by Lucas Wilde

Tel Aviv to recognise Donald Trump as an absolute c*nt


Donald Trump on Israsel

Tel Aviv has responded to President Trump’s plan to recognise Jerusalem as the capital of Israel.

In a statement to the press, a spokesperson for the city of Tel Aviv confirmed that they would respond to the move by officially recognising the 45th President of the United States as an absolute cunt.

“It’s been a long time coming and he’s been unofficially acknowledged in this way by basically all of us for years now,” confirmed Tel Aviv spokesperson, Simon Williams.

“But this whole thing about making Jerusalem the capital of Israel has basically wound us all right up and set the peace process back by years, so now it’s going in writing: Donald J Trump is officially an absolute cunt, by order of the people of Tel Aviv and Palestine.”

A spokesperson for President Trump said, “Oh, he’s well used to this by now. It sums up most of the letters to the White House that we throw away.

“We’ll just tell him to think of it as the average Tweet he receives on a minute-by-minute basis and he’ll be fine.

“It’s not like he’s going to give a shit about the diplomatic consequences because he doesn’t know what that phrase means.”

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