Wednesday 6 December 2017

Last month’s David Davis was a massive liar, insists this month’s David Davis

David Davis, Brexit impact studies

December’s David Davis has called his November equivalent a massive liar, insisting that the Brexit impact statements he said were complete, have never actually existed.

While being interviewed by the Exiting the EU Committee, the Brexit secretary explained that last month’s David Davis misspoke when he said the impact studies were almost ready for publication and distribution to parliament.

He told the committee, “Frankly, November’s David Davis should be ashamed of himself. Misleading this committee like that. He had no right to say those studies existed when they clearly didn’t exist. I knew back then that they didn’t exist, so I don’t know why he said that they did.

“And here we are, a month later, and I have to come here and tell you that November David Davis lied to you. Obviously we will be looking into this, but rest assured that November David Davis will no longer be speaking for the DExEU, and you should only listen to me, December David Davis, from this point onwards.”

Political commentators have been surprised by December Davis’ willingness to the trash the reputation of November’s David Davis.

Analyst Simon Williams told us, “As an outsider looking in, you could almost imagine a situation where those impact studies did exist, but they are so horrifically negative in terms of the economic impact of Brexit, that it’s more politically convenient to throw your November self under the bus rather than make them public.

“It’s also equally possible that they never existed, and November David Davis was scrambling like a kid who hadn’t done his homework assignment and preferred to give the impression to the teacher that it was a whisker from being finished.

“So take your pick. Davis is a deceitful, manipulative arsehole, or he’s a lazy, incompetent shyster. It’s one or the other.”

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