Wednesday 6 December 2017 by Lucas Wilde

Brexit CANCELLED


Brexit cancelled

The Government of the United Kingdom has called time on Brexit, because “it’s impossible”, according to reports this afternoon.

Between the Irish border problem, the divorce bill and the issue of rights for EU migrants, the whole sha-bang has been described as simply not worth bothering with.

“It’s a fucking mess,” confirmed Tory MP, Simon Williams.

“It makes the middle-eastern peace process look like a child’s jigsaw puzzle – by which I mean I can’t solve that either but someone else might be able to one day.

“We had no plan, we still don’t have a plan, and we are starting to get frightened of what might happen.

“We’ve tried nothing, and surprisingly, none of it has worked.

“We didn’t get into this politics game to be faced with impossible tasks that leave us with literally no choice but to become a scapegoat to millions of unhappy people.

“There is not a single thing we can do that will delight everyone, not one thing.

“So we’re just going to call it a day and carry on as before.”

Brexiter, Jay Cooper, said, “I need a moment just to take stock of how unbelievably cross I am at this precise moment in time.

“I have spent the past year and a half telling remoaners ‘you lost, get over it’, so I can’t say much out loud as the last thing I want to look like is a hypocrite – although I’m alright with looking like a bit of a racist. Bloody French, that’s all I can say.”

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