Tuesday 5 December 2017 by Neil Tollfree

Trump family to spend Christmas in their secret lair under volcano


Trump volcano lair

In a break with tradition, the US first family have announced that they will be spending Christmas in their secret lair under a volcano somewhere in the Pacific.

The lair, where Donald Trump has planned and carried out a wide variety of evil schemes, has its own private beach, a luxury swimming pool, and a private nuclear weapon launch facility – everything the Trumps will need for a really memorable Christmas.

“I think that after a really tough year of being dreadful and playing golf, the President just wants to relax and watch the sharks swim around his giant shark tank of death,” said a source close to the family.

“Melania is certainly looking forward spending time sulkily sunbathing in the background whilst the Donald issues a terrifying threat to the wellbeing of the planet.

“We’re not sure yet about the specifics of the threat, but it will no doubt be tweeted and followed by bellows of laughter.”

It is understood that the Trumps will have a ‘traditional’ Christmas in the lair, given the President’s repeated promises to bring the more popular aspects back into the heart of the American holiday season.

The source continued, “Oh yes, it’ll be very traditional – there will be Christmas carols, a big turkey, lots of presents and then the family with gather to watch Donald point laser beams at the balls of captured British agents.

“Very much what you’d expect from a traditional Trump family Christmas.”

It is understood that Donald had originally wanted to spend Christmas in his secret underwater lair, but the humidity plays havoc with Melania’s hair.

There are currently witterings below - why not add your own?

Previous post:

Next post: