Monday 4 December 2017 by Neil Tollfree

MPs to be given urgent training on incognito mode


Confused MP trained to use incognito mode in parliament

Following the discovery of an Internet’s  worth of pornography on Damien Green’s work computer, MPs are to be given training on how to use their browser’s incognito mode.

The discovery of pornography on Mr Green’s PC was baffling to thousands of dedicated perverts across the country who have been happily using their incognito mode to consume pornography anonymously whilst their wives are watching Bake-off in the front room.

“We can’t stop MPs looking at pornography at work,” said House of Commons IT consultant Simon Williams.

“I mean, they’re MPs, they’re weird. If they’re not looking at porn then they’re putting oranges in their mouth and wanking themselves to death.

“So, if we can’t stop them looking at pornography then we can at least stop them getting caught, and so that’s why we will be introducing a mandatory hour-long training session on incognito mode, starting first thing on Monday.”

“It’s our duty to ensure our elected officials can wank themselves silly without the prying eyes of the media or the police.”

Incognito mode was introduced into earlier browsers in order to, the companies claimed, ‘allow a user to buy their partners surprise presents without leaving any clues,’ but who were they trying to kid.

It is understood that in the specific case of Mr Green, he will now be arguing that he should not be sanctioned for having pornography on his work computer because he didn’t know about incognito mode, and if he had done then he would never have been found out so we should just forget about all that.

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