Monday 4 December 2017 by Davytoast

Gremlin turns into hipster after drinking craft beer after midnight


Gremlin hipster

A horrifying transformation overtook a family’s pet Mogwai when it was allowed to drink craft beer after midnight, according to reports this morning.

The creature – initially an adorable furry little pet sold by a mysterious Chinese gentleman from a strange backstreet store – is now running amok through town, wearing a lumberjack shirt and demanding moustache wax.

Townsfolk are reported to be fleeing in fear from the creature’s self-referential anarcho-dandyism, which they find terrifying, annoying and a veneer to hide a crushing existential crisis.

“The rules of the Mogwai are simple, the mysterious old chinese gentleman told us,” owner Simon Williams said to us whilst hiding in a wardrobe.

“No bright light, don’t let him get wet and never – NEVER – let him eat artisan focaccia and hoppy, microbrewed ale after midnight.

“Oh, God, if only I’d listened. I thought ‘it’s only a few minutes past and he seems so hungry. A kale smoothie and some snuff can’t hurt that much, can it?’.”

Describing how his pet immediately began to shake and writhe as an unholy transfiguration took place, Simon told us that ‘within moments’ the altered beast had a short back and sides and was talking about how the War Doctor was the best Doctor Who.

He went on, “It’s hell. Now he’s got an ironic tattoo of a 50s pinup and smokes a pipe.”

Readers are warned to be on the lookout for the gremlin, which was last seen breaking into a boarded up, disused old store and turning it into a breakfast cereal restaurant.

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