Monday 4 December 2017

Further historical sexual abuse allegations as God accused of impregnating young virgin


God impregnated virgin girl

Shockwaves have been felt through religious circles today as new allegations emerged against God himself, with suggestions he impregnated a young virgin who was married to another man.

As allegations of sexual impropriety continue to emerge in celebrity circles, this latest claim could see religious apologists suffer the same abuse as Hollywood producers, TV news anchors and comedians accused of similar behaviours.

As one source of the latest allegations told reporters, “This is just typical of the patriarchy, getting a woman up the duff then disappearing for two-thousand years to avoid the consequences.

“Just because you’re God doesn’t mean you get to throw your seed around willy-nilly to any young girl you take a fancy to, and frankly, having a thing for virgins is a bit on the creepy side for someone his age.

“Why couldn’t he just wank himself off in front of her, or maybe ejaculate into a potted plant – actually getting her pregnant seems very selfish given the context.

“Even more so when you consider he never paid a penny towards the child’s upbringing.”

Religious scholars have defended God’s behaviour, insisting it was a very different time and that judging his behaviour by today’s modern standards simply isn’t fair on him, or the victim.

Catholic Simon Williams told us, “Sure, looking back, it might have been better if he’d just gone ahead and married her, and then he could have hung around while the child grew up – but that wasn’t how things were back then.

“He was more of a love’em and leave’em kinda guy, and you have to respect that.”

There are currently witterings below - why not add your own?

Previous post:

Next post: