Saturday 2 December 2017 by Davywavy

Middle-class man using work computer to view property porn


Man looking at property porn

A man has been accused of using his work computer to download thousands of images of houses that are completely out of his league, according to reports today.

Middle-manager 33-year-old Simon Williams was carpeted by his boss for browsing expensive carpets when he should have been working, and threatened with being shown the door for looking at external bi-fold doors.

“Some of the property he was searching for was exotic and foreign like ‘hot, wet beachfront bungalows’, while at other times he was surfing for the something a little closer to home – ‘cute little house next door’, that sort of thing,” co-workers told us.

“His tastes ranged all over the place and could be quite niche and specialist – phrases like ‘BBW’, which stands for Brick-Built Window.

“You name it; he’s spent time at work looking at it. Sturdy old cottages well past their prime, 60’s terraces and even shiny new builds that no-one has been in before – or so they claim – but he just didn’t care, he’s into all of them.

“His work laptop has got bookmarked folders for houses with well-used rear entrances, untended gardens, and those stacked with new enhancements rather than original features.

“He’ll often snap his laptop shut if you catch him browsing this stuff, but I’m not the only one who’s walked in on him and seen him slavering over some little oriental place he’s thinking of visiting.

“Why can’t he just look at filth like a normal person?”

When asked, Simon insisted that his surfing was completely innocent and he was just looking for ideas that would help him get a large extension to his existing property.

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