Friday 1 December 2017 by Davywavy

Police confirm thousands of hours of solitaire found on David Davis’ computer


David Davis computer found to have traces of time-wasting games

David Davis is facing claims that ‘thousands of hours’ of solitaire have been found on his computer today.

The Brexit Minister has denied that he ever spent ‘disturbing amounts’ of time playing solitaire and minesweeper on his House of Commons computer after they were found during a routine police search.

Describing the allegations as ‘smears’, Davis said he was outraged that serving police officers would claim that he was sitting in his office for months on end doing nothing but fiddle pointlessly with a repetitive cycle of meaningless functions where there is no chance of ultimate victory.

“I’ve got far better things to do with my time than waste it on playing games against imaginary opponents whose only real challenge to me is in my head,” he said in a statement.

“Like watching porn.

“Oh, wait, I wasn’t meant to say that bit.”

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