Wednesday 29 November 2017 by Davywavy

Mum finally accepts ketchup bottle is empty


empty ketchup bottle

Local mother Simone Williams has finally accepted the bottle of ketchup she has been shaking and scraping with a knife for the last year is actually empty today.

The bottle, which has sat neck-down in the fridge to allow the last few molecules of ketchup to settle at the top for over six months, will be ceremonially discarded and her family finally allowed to open a new one at dinner time tonight.

Simone’s family, who have been tormented by a full, pristine bottle of ketchup sitting unopened in the cupboard for several weeks, have greeted the news with cautious optimism having heard this one before.

“It’s just a shame to let anything go to waste,” she told us as she examined the bottle through a scanning electron microscope for any residual traces of the condiment.

“There’s no sense opening a new bottle until this one is properly empty. It’ll be fine on the fish fingers tonight.

“If you stick a knife in you can usually get a bit off the sides, which is just as good as a new bottle.

“Hang on, now I look at it I think there’s a bit more left in there yet. I think it’s good for another meal or two.”

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